Free funny phone messages

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

Panic is when both are pregnant.

A physiological study has proved that

All the fools, donkeys, monkeys

Used their thumbs to read the messages

Don?t change your finger know its too late.

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn't it rain on you?

when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 rings means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ........pick d phone idiot!

Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.